Practice makes perfect - it is a universal adage that applies to just about any human undertaking. If you take up a new musical instrument, you will need to practice a while before you're ready to give your first concert. In the world of karate, tae kwon do and other martial arts, you do most, if not all of your learning on the mat as you practice new techniques and move up in ranking.
The process of improving our communication habits is no exception as it too needs practice. Here is what makes challenging conversations so difficult - we find ourselves put "on the spot" before we can even prepare ourselves for the challenge. It is important to learn the skills of effective communication and to take the time to practice them.
Your quest for self-improvement would begin with one of the many books, cassette tapes, instructors and workshops that deal with the requisite skills for good communication and would allow you to practice. Seek them out. Make a commitment to read one book or attend a workshop every few months.
You can also learn from your successful conversations as well as the ones that don't turn out as expected. You become more adept at communicating by being aware of those things you need to work on and those things you need to keep up. You want to be a sentient and purposeful communicator, and the only way to achieve this is through practice - here are some tips that could help you along the way.
Have More Awareness. Is your communication style capable of achieving what you want to achieve? If it isn't, then go back to the drawing board.
Acknowledge. What is the main intent of your communication? What is theirs? Recognize that you are both doing your best, and give yourself and your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Play it Safe. Maintain a calm, centered attitude, a respectful demeanor, and a positive purpose.
Nurture Your Curious Side. This means keeping a frame of mind that is open and always interested, and of course, one that is curious. That's what sets naturally curious children apart from the average, indifferent adult, for lack of a better term - they have the intent, you have the innate skills to respond, so why not have both for a change?
Practice, Practice, Practice. Learn from a wide range of different communication styles. If you tend toward a passive and accommodating style, try offering a different opinion on occasion. Or if you tend to be a motormouth who keeps controlling the conversation, maybe you want to listen to others more. What do other people say? Curiosity may have killed the cat, but are you a cat?
Allow me to invoke my passion for classical music once again and share an anecdote related to the great violinist Jascha Heifetz - see, somebody in New York once stopped him and asked for directions to Carnegie Hall. The New Yorker replied: "Practice!" Of course he said "Practice!" and that joke never fails to make me laugh. The point is that change takes place gradually over time. Don't rush into several adjustments at the same time. Review the suggestions above, and pick one. Leave a message in the guestbook and let us know how it goes. Relish your newly discovered talents and use them to the hilt. And enjoy yourself while at it, will you?
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